http://home.sol.no/~egilk/t_light.html
10 Best Tools of All Time
-------------------------
Forget the Snap-On Tools truck; its never been there when you need it.
Besides
there are only 10 things in this world you need to fix any car, any place,
any time.
1.Duct Tape
Not just a tool, a veritable Swiss Army knife in stickum and plastic.
It's safety wire, body material, radiator hose, upholstery, insulation, tow
rope,
and more - in an easy to carry package. Sure, there's prejudice surrounding
duct tape in concours competitions, but in the real world, everything from
LeMans-winning Porsches to Atlas rockets use it by the yard. The only thing
that can get you out of more scrapes is a quarter and a phone booth.
2.Vice Grips
Equally adept as a wrench, hammer, pliers, baling wire twister,
breaker-off of frozen bolts and wiggle-it-til-it-falls-off tool. The heavy
artillery
of your tool box, vice grips are the only tool designed expressly to fix
things
screwed up beyond repair.
3.Spray Lubricants
A considerably cheaper alternative to new doors, alternator,
and other squeaky items. Slicker than pig phlegm, repeated soakings will
allow
the main hull bolts of the Andrea Doria to be removed by hand. Strangely
enough, an integral part of these sprays is the infamous Little Red Tube
that
flies out of the nozzle if you look at it cross eyed (one of the 10 _worst_
tools
of all time).
4.Margarine Tubs with Clear Lids
If you spend all your time under the hood
looking for a frendle pin that caromed off the pertal valve when you knocked
both off the air cleaner, it's because you eat butter. Real mechanics
consume
pounds of tasteless vegetable oil replicas just so they can use the empty
tubs
for parts containers afterward. (Some of course chuck the butter-colored goo
altogether or use it to repack wheel bearings.) Unlike air cleaners and
radiator
lips, margarine tubs aren't connected by a time/space wormhole to the
Parallel
Universe of Lost Frendle Pins.
5.Big Rock at the Side of the Road Block up a tire. Smack corroded battery
terminals. Pound out a dent. Bop noisy know-it-all types on the noodle.
Scientists have yet to develop a hammer that packs the raw banging power of
granite or limestone. This is the only tool with which a "Made in Malaysia"
emblem is not synonymous with the user's maiming.
6.Plastic Zip Ties After 20 years of lashing down stray hose and wiring with
old
bread ties, some genius brought a slightly slicked-up version to the auto
parts
market. Fifteen zip ties can transform a hulking mass of amateur- quality
wiring from a working model of the Brazilian Rain Forest into something
remotely resembling a wiring harness. Of course it works both ways. When
buying a used car, subtract $100 for each zip tie under the hood.
7.Ridiculously Large Craftsman Screwdriver Let's admit it. There's nothing
better for prying, chiseling, lifting, breaking, splitting or mutilating
than a huge
flatbladed screwdriver, particularly when wielded with gusto and a big
hammer. This is also the tool of choice for all filters so insanely located
that
they can only be removed by driving a stake in one side and out the other.
If
you break the screwdriver--and you will just like Dad and your shop teacher
said--who cares, it has a lifetime guarantee.
8.Baling Wire Commonly known as MG muffler brackets, baling wire holds
anything that's too hot for tape or ties. Like duct tape, it's not
recommended
for concours contenders, since it works so well you'll never need to replace
it
with the right thing again. Baling wire is a sentimental favorite in some
circles,
particularly with the MG, Triumph, and flathead Ford set.
9.Bonking Stick This monstrous tuning fork with devilish pointy ends is
technically known as a tie-rod separator, but how often do you separate
tie-rod
ends? Once every decade if you're lucky. Other than medieval combat, its
real
use is the all-purpose application of undue force, not unlike that of the
huge
flat-bladed screwdriver. Nature doesn't know the bent metal panel or frozen
exhaust pipe that can stand up to a good bonking stick. (Can also be use to
separate tie-rod ends in a pinch, of course, but does a lousy job of it).
10.A Quarter and a Phone Booth See tip #1 above.